The Adventures of Fanta-Man; Sydney Kings vs Melbourne Tigers - Entertainment Centre 12/02/05

Ethan Switch - Sunday, February 13, 2005 - Print Version

Three to six chili pods and their seeds molest and infect every bit of meat in the szechuan beef dish. The onions and capsicums cannot escape their burn. Forget weeding out the seeds from the broccoli. Each bite takes the threshold up and reasoning down another notch. Lips bleed and the tear ducts throb as the masochist within takes to devouring the entire plate, stopping short on drinking the entire plate of seeds clean. It's akin to rubbing chili straight into the eyeballs. Where is the girl handing out the free chocolate samples now?

Kings coach Brian Goorjian collects a hefty photo inside a frame, marking his 400th game win from the previous night against the Hunter Pirates. This continues his reign as "the most winningest coach in Australian sports history." The abuse of the superlative rights to words knowing an existence in the sports realm. A deathly slacker teen in loafers to the right shows his contempt at the passionate and fiery Tigers supporter over on the left. Despite the game having not even started yet matters not as he charges all on out. Eventually it does, and the abuse and strains enjoy a hearty life for the game.

Ben Knight turns the key that locks the door that leaves the Melbourne Tigers on the inside. Everyone else is out partying, playing and scoring. The Kings offense is showy, a passing game that's kinetic and lively. The Tigers are all around the place somewhere, not much there to see though. Fast and out there, the first quarter blazes right on through to leave the Kings up 27 against 21 for the Tigers.

An orange Coke head mascot whizzes on court. Suffering a skin condition that renders the body under huge lumps, he is otherwise known as Fanta-Man. Waddling like a duck is reason enough for the newcomer to spend most, if not all, his time on the wheels as he circles around, listening out for the loudest section of the Kingdome. Mayhem ensues every time the Lion then takes to the stands with a couple of cheerleaders, throwing out caps for the crowd. They scramble like crack heads would for the hit.

Quarter two commences amid the rush and Lenard Copeland sails right into an alley oop assist. There are a couple more glittering moves, such as Dave Thomas sneaking in a dunk. Jason Smith loves the stop and pop, results of which nicely add to the tally. As in the first quarter, the Kings are all over the Tigers of Melbourne and Andrew Gaze is shown no love for easy shots. Even for his last regular season game. Flicking through the Kings News, their Gaze-fest stays on the page, the points and steals from the hosts running up the hill, kicking back down the veterans 50 to 36.

Half-time entertainment is hidden by the stampeding crush of the crowds looking for free merchandise from the night's major sponsor. On and on and on the Lion and Fanta-Man duo ring around the court, aimlessly out for that section of the arena that cranks the loudest. Solid minutes pass before they rush the stands and find themselves under an endless array of waving elbows, those closest to the aisles not in line for the gifts.

Sneaking in under the hub bub and definitely on for the Mardi Gras later this month, Clare De Lune and four dancers take to the stage. Sound is pitiful and distant. Connecting the performance to the track listing is a little wayward. There are levels to maintain here, and one of the three men almost goes on for a full on strip down, the others in the group keeping their silver stain rips on. Embracing the night falls short. The act wanders off after the back announcement.

We Will Rock You plays in the third quarter as the speed chugs merrily along. Passes find themselves splattering the wine and wraps of those in the corporate boxes. Rolan Roberts is as intense as ever and Luke Martin still zooms all over the court. Tiger's Mark Bradtke hefts the ball for a pass and looks worn down. Against the fight, they find themselves again with time at the charity stripe as the Kings move their team fouls into the five for consecutive quarters. Tigers do their best to stay breathing in the game. 78 - 51

The Philips Harlequins, in tight bun shorts and tops from Coke, continue to play to the crowd along the shots. Girls on the east, and opposite the visitor's bench, stay on their feet marginally longer. They're all out explosive and flash dancing their own moves. Holding more of a seat, the cheerleaders on the west move largely in synch, the steps and choreography as near one as possible. Both are showing different styles, it's close. Even even.

Aborting Queen, the last hopes of a grand farewell for Gaze slips further and further away. Even Rodney O calls out Gaze as the daddy of cherry-pickers as a spray of the court sees the silver fox with an easy lay up. Tigers' David Stiff pulls on Jason Smith to send him flying back and collects the night's un-sportsmanlike foul. As far out as they are, Kings show no real signs of slowing down, of letting Melbourne back in within a distance. David Barlow and Luke Brennan step on with a few minutes left on the board. Their impact is minimal and hardly felt. The game is already over. Kings home 96 to 74.