Pittman runs out of steam, boost juice lacking

Ethan Switch - Thursday, 26 August, 2004 - 18:14:03 - print it raw

Busted like a knuckle, Jana Pittman, 21, of the Australian athletics track team, wobbled into fifth with her matron hairdo, placing out of medal contention by more than one in the women's 400 metre hurdles.

Distraught to an emotional level following the soda popping of her right knee only a few weeks before the race, Pittman is now considering moving toward the flat track; the event Cathy Freeman won back in Sydney.

In Freeman's race toward the gold, the nation threw itself into a partial auto-erotic asphyxiation event assisted by a leather belt in rented accomodations as it watched her run the race in a full body condom. Feeling the pressure of a nation's eyeballs like a cheap lump of coal in Superman's hands, the diamond result left her collapsed and winded. It was a similar pressure Pittman was after, recuperating so quickly after the surgery on her knee.

With media crews taking to Pittman as the next Bigfoot, the comeback kid has set her sights toward Beijing in 2008 where she will complete the backstory of an athlete overcoming adversity and shining through slow-motion footage.

» Run out of town, headed toward China in 2008

« Hungary for gold, thrown for bronze