One Hand on the Wheel, the Other Down in the Pants

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, 2 July, 2003 - 15:48:53 - print it raw

One handed typists rule the notion of what it means to frequent the plains of cyberspace. Keyboards and monitors suddenly explode from all the crusting semen and spilt coke as the voyeurs crank it out like an Olympic training session. To this, a plethora of pornography hard core and soft, is available to be loved by the world and they can never get enough of it nor fast enough. Such is the bane of life in the modern age without a broadband connection.

Quality internet sevice providers are hard to come by. The decision to sign up multi-month contracts are made harder by the fact that it might become a unjustified expense. Always-on and constant connections soon might be a luxury wherein the boredom of the Internet is even more pronounced.

And as such, two ISPs have taken to slight subtlety in reminding the denizens of Australia just what else lies beyond the walls of the Net Nanny and CyberCops.

Taking creative duties—and possibly skirting the issue of intellectual copyright—from an earlier iPrimus advertisement, newcomer bigblue internet present the seedier and sluttier world of the internet. The aforementioned commercial starts off looking rather similar in style and execution to that of the iPrimus campaign, but then the dial-up disconnection notice is replaced by the silky hand of a brunette on the other side of the sofa. The lone guy in the middle then turns his attention to this scantily dressed woman and already has his hands inside her dress, possibly looking for wayward tampons.

What happens then is a matter of speculation, but one thing is certain, the fast and furious experience he might welcome could turn out to be something he'd rather not. Hooking up with the newer, ans supposedly faster option might seem like the best thing to do initially, but buyer's remorse is something that can hardly be overcome easily.

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