Aperçus of Media and Marketing

Chances Are You'd Love a Jew

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, August 5, 2003 - 15:24:05 - print it raw

Got Milk? Breakfast pimpers Kellogg's don't think so.

Despite being a traditional staple of cereals, the juicy white liquid from the teats of countless udders appears to have missed the dive into a lot of Australian bowls. When presented with these possibly forged facts of Australian laziness the team at Kellogg's went into producing a series of television commercials. Some thought it was a joke but with a few months under its belt, the advertisements continue to grace the screens.

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Terminator Promotion Ploughs Cars Through Corpses

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 18:56:47 - print it raw

A desolated world where the humans have all but been obliterated by the nuclear onslaught brought on by the artificial intelligence of SkyNet. Surviving the holocaust are a defined few warriors struggling in the battle to save their lives. This is the envisioned world of the Terminator movies.

Fuel injected into the fabric of the films is that machines will kill humans if given the chance to think for themselves and made self aware of their actions and potential. Seeking to fuse fatality rates caused by high based vehicles and ignorant drivers, Toyota have latched onto the fuse and bitten it hard.

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Bulls Hit But Fail to Impale Internet Casino Popup

Ethan Switch - Monday, July 14, 2003 - 12:55:18 - print it raw

The annual running of the bulls into the public abattoir in Pamplona, Spain only injured 11 people. Of that, only 3 of them were actually gored by the bulls. Not bad on the part of the bulls. Among the many to run like mad foxes at the crack of the farmer's rifle was Mark Roberts. Though he failed to be skewered by any one of the bulls down their merry way to death, he did manage to become another bitch in the slot machines of an Internet-based casino.

The casino, like many others, are notorious for hijacking the calming pornographic images riding down the bit stream in an attempt to jack off some of the loose coins wedge tight in the surfers the world over. True to digital form, the Casino lured Roberts with a flash of money in return for a flash of skin and paid him to run for his life down the streets of Spain. Not able to start the game like everyone else, Roberts jumped into the fray midway through and scrambled down the cobbled roads to only bail minutes later, saving himself from a brutal goring by the sheer mounting strength of his fingers.

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Dolmios Master Puppet Grins For the Reaper

Ethan Switch - Friday, July 11, 2003 - 14:31:58 - print it raw

"We put the good stuff in so you'll wear the Dolmio grin"

But what exactly makes the consumer grin and bear it?

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One Hand on the Wheel, the Other Down in the Pants

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, July 2, 2003 - 15:48:53 - print it raw

One handed typists rule the notion of what it means to frequent the plains of cyberspace. Keyboards and monitors suddenly explode from all the crusting semen and spilt coke as the voyeurs crank it out like an Olympic training session. To this, a plethora of pornography hard core and soft, is available to be loved by the world and they can never get enough of it nor fast enough. Such is the bane of life in the modern age without a broadband connection.

Quality internet sevice providers are hard to come by. The decision to sign up multi-month contracts are made harder by the fact that it might become a unjustified expense. Always-on and constant connections soon might be a luxury wherein the boredom of the Internet is even more pronounced.

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Junkie Rush to the Clearance Illusion

Ethan Switch - Monday, June 23, 2003 - 15:54:22 - print it raw

Another weekend has passed and with it another load of merchandise slashed and rehashed to entice the wandering eyes of the window shoppers into the store and up to the cash registers.

Sales periods come around every few months to spur the movement of old stock in favour of space for the new. A conflict exists when the stores want the customers to consume all manner of developments, upgrades and higher buffed sheens while still having to find a reason for pushing the aging stock like the dealers cramming down free heroin down the gullets for the repeat business model to ring true. Taking the free hits the junkie neophytes stir into a fit and want more and more of the same, but the dealer no longer hands out the junk for free, money exchanges hands and the shaking of the skeleton is heard throughout.

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