Here, have some arsenic to wash down the hemlock

Ethan Switch - Monday, 12 July, 2004 - 08:18:04 - print it raw

Statistics will reveal that Australians who participated in the Living Longer: The National Life Expectancy Test have discovered one thing. They are now three hours closer to their deaths and have nothing to show for it.

Perpetrated on the populace of the nation, the life expectancy test was an attempt to claw back some of the status thrown toward dubious IQ exams conducted previously and on another network channel. Much like the format of the aforementioned, questions were lifted from many issues of CLEO, Cosmopolitan and the occasional Guide to Lentils.

While those who chose to leave their televisions on other stations may have experienced a slight increase in overall enjoyment, they too were affected by the fact that their passive existence will most certainly step them closer to that open grave. Those seeking cremation remain the nation's hope.

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