Aperçus of A Religious Flavour

wish for something better

Belvedere Jehosophat - Saturday, 25 December, 2004 - 00:25:56 - print it raw

Merlina, the angel, spoke to me and said, "You are confused and indecisive because you do not have enough information."

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Generous cult leader hands out salvation promised in bagels

Ethan Switch - Friday, 30 July, 2004 - 17:30:54 - print it raw

Against the massive onslaught and commercial tide of twists and wraps, the order of Fervane Munitia has started a campaign to fight back. Ferdinand Tyrelli, high priest and high carb diet man, has started bombarding the menu of Fervane Munitia’s sacrificial altar with a smorgasbord of bread, bagels and sizeable donuts from the pantry.

"Before the war," says high priest Tyrelli, forcing up a freshly cast virgin toward the ironing table, "the minions knew of the full bloat only bread can deliver. Now, they engorge their senses and stomachs with wraps of the filthiest kind. It’s high time we took back the trays and returned the seats to their upright positions."

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Getting Down to the Slitty Gritty

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 23 March, 2004 - 19:11:32 - print it raw

Near a point of creaming, "I congratulate the Classification Review Board for its decision to review the controversial film Irreversible which has sickened members of the audience, resulting in walkouts from the theatre," said Reverend Fred Nile.

Paired against his lathering at watching the enjoyably pornographic voilence of The Passion of The Christ, the latter half of the previous sentence is quite interchangeable. The only thing to note is the wound entry points for the particulars. The many versus the few.

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He Waits for Your Death on Ticket Sales

Ethan Switch - Thursday, 26 February, 2004 - 23:52:25 - print it raw

Hinted promises of old ladies dying from the shock of watching Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ are surely one of the best selling techniques for a movie stunt yet. Others may have to contend with people running out of the cinemas screaming their heads off as they stand vigil to any sort of climbing death toll in relation to the movie.

At the centre of the jolly rogering tally beans is the bloody carnage of the crucifixion scene in which Jesus gets nailed quite graphically—and to some, rather erotically—to the cross. A graphically unforgiving scene, many regard it as a wonderful piece of shock cinema for the new horror hungry generation and a blatant grab for the more bloodthirsty audiences so desensitised by years of slash and gash films.

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Neither Rain, Nor Sleet Nor French Feigned Snow

Ethan Switch - Sunday, 18 January, 2004 - 22:10:07 - print it raw

Massive was the dying Christmas tree outside the government building as reporters of the world ran with the story of the French looking to run out all non secular symbols from the State. One such item taken particularly of offense was that of the headscarf usually worn by Muslim women, the Hijaab. Taken aside and beaten publicly with other religious symbols such as two planks of wood fashioned in a perpendicular stance and Jewish men walking around with visible circumcisions it was warned that further entry into the schools would be extremely difficult.

An open letter from the Hizub ut-Tahrir to President Jacques Chirac wishes to call upon an ages old favour once given the fallen king of France, Francis I. Essentially, a request for reciprocation on goodwill acts come to bear. Dated on the same day as delivery through a march to the President, himself it's shown to be that the force behind such a showing either puts to shame the competency of the French postal system or has no regard or belief in it.

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Generalisation Brings Forth Slight Raise in Audience Participation

Ethan Switch - Friday, 5 December, 2003 - 17:10:39 - print it raw

Out in the sticks of the states a radio commentator shakes the waves with the name of Paul Harvey. Harvey recently ran a view on his syndicated radio program that amazingly enough had one certain group listening with intent. That organisation, the Council of American-Islamic Relations believes that a slam has been made on Islam.

The Islamic civil rights group attribute it to the quote "Add to the thirst for blood a religion which encourages killing, and it is entirely understandable if Americans came to this bloody party unprepared." which served fodder for a wrapper comment on the past-time of cock-fighting. "We had hoped that a respected broadcast professional like Mr. Harvey would not join the growing number of Islamophobic hate-mongers in our society," said CAIR Communications Director Ibrahim Hooper. "He falsely attributes to Islam two things that are specifically prohibited by our faith, murder and cruelty to animals." (Islam also prohibits gambling.)

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