Apercu of Paranoid Times genus

Landsliding a victory, the mark of a few dead bodies

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 18:13:25 - print it raw

Race this hunt and burn the candles tapioca. Yesterday, Indonesians cast their votes in the country's first direct presidential elections. Heading into the polls were two flavours of particularly similar tastes: bland, innocuous and down the middle at the same time. Holding over the country with a lightbulb from the old house recently put on the market after a little excavation, Megawati Sukarnoputri faced her one time chief security minister, and an army general from the Suharto times, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono.

Mere blasts in the recent shock of the not too distant cried out families and friends of the victims around the outer of the Australian embassy in Jakarta, target prime for the "terrorists" and their lot. Shorts leading up to an election, the current stay of power resulted in a short circuit and the opposition slid home on the mud of metaphor.

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Universe under watch, the bay of blood streams beyond the held dams

Ethan Switch - Thursday, September 9, 2004 - 17:52:42 - print it raw

Whirling winds like a tour for the gaping jaws, Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins has thus far been seen as one rather "accident-prone" woman. Within ten days, less than a week apart, two incidents have surfaced of this ex-Newcastle Knights cheerleader. Last week, amid a throng of cameras and constant televisual replays, Hawkins found herself bearing her red G-string uncovered arse to a crowd gathered in slobber at Westfields Miranda in Sydney. Yesterday, during Melbourne's Spring Fashion Week, along the banks of the Yarra River, the cheerleader-cum-model slipped on the wet stone steps, her minders reacting with the pace of snails underfoot after a rainy day as it was.

"Oh my God, what is my luck?," said Hawkins of her predicament. A set up no doubt. Endearing herself to the Australian public would be their calls. Their suspicions raised now to the circumstances surrounding her rise to the top of the crop amongst a bevy of other Earth-based contestants in the Donald Trump owned Miss Universe pageant.

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When the head is indistinguishable from the body

Jimmy Weasel - Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 23:04:02 - print it raw

Events of a strange new era are starting to converge (as discussed earlier) into a disturbing reality. Within two days of each other, seperate news updates from other sources are released—each to feed on each other, and the minds of the feeble. The primer is a puff piece from out of left-field about how truly magnificent lives are with a hybrid car. The second is authorless paranoia that screams of the grim prospect of certain tripling fuel prices. The intended effect of this combination is clearly to encourage a mass hysteria upon those who can not or will not shift their paradigms into gear. The cynical must now be aware of the great mind bend that is being sought by anyone who raises their hand for a slice of this manipulative pie.

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Whirled by Curses - Cursed by Whirls

Belvedere Jehosophat - Tuesday, July 13, 2004 - 01:13:22 - print it raw

Spotted on a government bus was the adventure of a young man and his lonely TravelTen pass.

It seems that his pass, long bent out of shape, had become stuck in one of the green ticket machines that adorn the front of most buses.

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Up the duff at $3000 a throw

Jimmy Weasel - Thursday, July 1, 2004 - 22:57:05 - print it raw

Today is July, and the First Day of the Government funded baby-shower. As at midnight, all parents of newborns will receive a $3000 bribe to ensure the ageing populace has enough taxpayers to fund their ageing hips. Mainstream media is awash with stories about how the money will be squandered by those "unaccustomed" to it, and also of people endangering their unborn children's lives by simply "keeping their legs together until the wishing hour".

According to official sources, the scheme will be a lump sum payment, and will not be means-tested. The amount will also increase by $1000 every 2 years to become $5000 in July 2008. The government also makes it clear that babies born prior to the midnight cutoff will be eligable for a previous Maternity Allowance. Other schemes that came into effect this financial year are the Carer's Bonus and an increased Immunisation Allowance.

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Universe in a Tea Cup, Chickens from the Pantry

Ethan Switch - Thursday, June 3, 2004 - 20:32:59 - print it raw

Clearly intent on rummaging clean through the refuse of trendy terrorism mentions, newly crowned Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins stepped out on her first day of promotion. A Universe controlled from the United States with nary an eyeball cast upon others of international bread roasting quality.

Turned up for a charge, terrorism players, Jack Roche and Bilal Khazal. Leading up to the voting of Miss Universe, the Australian courts seized on their freedom and pounded them into the court system renewed. With over thirty years since an Australia skull fitted in the crown—the honour being that of Kerry Anne Wells in 1972— it was time to sway the judging. What better bait than a vigil on world safety in a global era.

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