Apercu of Paranoid Times genus

All The Flavours Delivered Right to Your Door

Ethan Switch - Thursday, February 13, 2003 - 07:16:39 - print it raw

A covert study has found that care should be taken when purchasing large amounts of postal mailing address. The same targeting method used to offer people high plateau credit cards and who are the least likely to be able to pay back the debt they incur.

The three year study was conducted using a single home mailing address and at least five different pseudonyms. In addition to this the details of each of the "male characters" was set up to conflict one another, the most obvious being that they each lived alone with an annual income well in excess of the final bracket.

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Medics to the masses, bewildering birds & burnt buttocks

Jimmy Weasel - Wednesday, February 5, 2003 - 00:09:35 - print it raw

In astounding news, the first of many free medical screenings for needy kids as organised by the Children's Foundation of Ghana went ahead in a more than moderately successful way on the 1st of February. More than 66 children were examined by 2 doctors in a period of 6 hours and as far as numbers go, this story has plenty. Diseases were diagnosed and prescriptions prescribed. An Australian man working at the clinic was quoted as saying "It's really hot today. I'm glad so many turned up; it means the information slips made it home. My bathtowel makes my room smell a bit funky.".

The free screening was a trial, with aims of being organised for much more rural areas.

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Feline Rectums, No Place For Firecrackers

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, February 4, 2003 - 05:12:13 - print it raw

After eleven long years waiting around in the background, The Goats are out and taking over Chinatowns across the globe. Though they came with the Lunar New Year none have been seen. Instead, anorexic and flamboyant Dragons are running around eating up lettuce heads dangling from roofs of certain retail and service shops.

Crowd turnout has been down in certain sections of the celebrations. One reason may be due to the fact that the red paper firecrackers are set off during the midnights prior. This leaves the dancing Dragons to down the dangling dodgers in silence, save for the haunting beat of the cymbals and drum.

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Toast the Host for Burning Down the House

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 09:11:27 - print it raw

Queensland. Possibly named after transvestites fleeing from the South-Eastern states, proves a hard region to understand. While the rest of Australia may adjust the times of their clocks accordingly in accordance to the accordant daylight savings periods, it resists and shows no movement of its hands.

On the celebratory celebrations of Invasion Day 2003, Brisbane chose to play with fire and launch fireworks while Melbourne and Sydney respected the burning bush and opted to forego the civilian's re-enactment of a bombed Middle-Eastern night time country sky.

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Guns For These Ones But Not For Those Ones

Ethan Switch - Friday, January 3, 2003 - 17:10:36 - print it raw

Showing no fear, the Australian government continues on with what appears to be another media based attack on Muslims in Australia. The ad campaign, Let's Look Out For Australia—which was recently launched as part of a way to increase government spending on things no one really needs—puts out the message to the citizens of the island continent to remain calm and rational in these wild times of overhead explosions and lethal confetti.

One part in the whole message is that Australians should respect the religions of others. The only religion actually represented in the television commercial is that of the Muslims. No Hindus, Christians, Buddhists, Jews, Catholics, Scientologists or Satanists are seen.

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Feulling the fossil sump-pumpers & Jerky-knee-syndrome

Jimmy Weasel - Friday, December 13, 2002 - 12:20:42 - print it raw

In the brighter days after wide publications of a "clean" hydrogen car, the papers are now riddled with diseased articles about petrol and how the consumer is being ripped off. Aspersions are being cast at those who "water down" the petrol with an ethanol solution and the manufacturers of bowsers just aren't going to honour warranties for bowsers damaged as a result of this practice. It seems anyting to overshadow the genesis of a newer, cleaner earth.

In news from abroad, "Dubya" (as the greater western press knows him) has not ruled out the use of nuclear weapons in his conquest to forever be etched into the history book as the man who stole both elections and lives. Not just in Iraq, but on any country who uses "weapons of mass destruction on the US or any of its allies". Looks like a bold move, but most people aren't in these parts of the world and it's as yet unknown whether or not these people care about it as much as sports or beers or whathaveyou. At any rate, the world is at a slow demise; salinity, war, destruction, grief, ennui, depravity and references to Miller.

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