Apercu of Paranoid Times genus

WW of W Heads up State Rail!!

Alex Yamakazi - Thursday, April 17, 2003 - 00:49:20 - print it raw

Since we are on a state rail thread here I have another theory to offer. It seems that whenever a tiny bit of water falls from the sky i.e. RAIN, the entire State Rail transportation "system" falls apart. After much thought I have concluded that this is because the state transit system is actually under the control of the Wicked Witch of the West. Due to her magical influence, the appearance of rain causes an "I'm MEEEEEEEEEELLLLTING" response in the transit system spawning a plague of "City Rail apologises for any inconvenience caused" messages spoken in the witch's spookily dulcet tones. (note they do not apologise for ANGUISH which I think would be a TAD more accurate!!!)

This also explains the lack of communication skills of State Rail employees. The Witch is having problems teaching her shaved flying monkeys english.

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Paging The Red Eyed Medics of Strife

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, April 16, 2003 - 05:23:15 - print it raw

Security on CityRail trains is nothing and nowhere to be seen at the best of times. These so-called guards of safety have been known to get upset when commuters quite audibly yell into their ears disrupting them from an evening to midnight slumber on the seats.

One of the more basic duties includes the continual traversing and inspection of carriages, start to end in five minutes or less. Yet despite this, rookie guards have been held back by the older generation who believe that "trouble sorts itself out."

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"something something Sir Munkee something something."

Belvedere Jehosophat - Friday, April 11, 2003 - 15:31:17 - print it raw

It’s becoming more and more apparent that the Millennium trains are not, especially in this forced metaphor, the promised land of the transport system.

Five out of the thirteen Millennium trains have suffered power problems, the symptoms of which include train drivers getting locked in their compartments.

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The New Kind of Family Reunion

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, April 8, 2003 - 11:16:17 - print it raw

From the evidence of late a new underground—and rather poorly funded—cult has recently lost two new surrogates, Ronda and Leea. The supposed leader, Scott Barrett, has taken to posting notices on poles near and around public transport depots and stations.

Reflecting life in the cult, each one of the posters are made to look both unique and unassuming. Further to this, the message is scrawled, rather neatly, and not by that of the technological eye provided in the form of photocopiers.

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Tilting at phonetowers

Jimmy Weasel - Saturday, March 29, 2003 - 02:27:47 - print it raw

Wednesday Morning: The second day of protesting against the Orange Mobile Tower in a park next to Oatley West school drew a crowd of media; even The Wax found representation.

The guts of this story are simple: local communities are not convinced that the tower is safe, nor dies it mesh well with the heritage of the park. Located 300 metres from the school, signals from such towers are alleged (by a man wearing a cardboard phonebook around his neck) to be at their most dengerous at 280 metres; cause for sounding the alarm.

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Vicious Mindless Violence That Offers Nothing New

Belvedere Jehosophat - Monday, March 24, 2003 - 15:52:16 - print it raw

The trouble with war (aside from the death, destruction and its inherent senselessness) is that there are always innocent parties who suffer needlessly.

I realise that war, unlike long division when there is no remainder, can often be a messy affair. I also realise that during the course of a war mistakes are going to be made. I refer specifically the accidental shooting down of a Royal Air Force plane by a US Patriot missile.

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