Aperçus of Paranoid Times

Keep it in the Family, Keep it Under 50

Ethan Switch - Monday, November 3, 2003 - 17:10:08 - print it raw

With people dropping dead left, right and centre there was always the need for composure. The revving purr of burning tyres is smelt as they crank the speed and shoot the perp's vehicle off into the distance. Left on the ground are spent bullet shells and plugged up bodies. A common sight for those in the currently heat induced suburbs of the South West of Sydney. Drive-bys playing the sport in the feuding ethnic families brought the month of October to a close as the opening of the month announced the fixing of urban street speed limits to 50 km/h.

Weening of the driving masses has meant that the imposition of 50km limit hasn't been as abrupt as a shot in the stomach while filling up at a petrol station. The timing however, has meant that there would ultimately be less criminal crossover in the day. While they may have their hands full at the moment with the constant drivebys, they also key into the factor of speeding motorists.

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Time as an Illusion and Deadmen Talking Brakes

Ethan Switch - Friday, October 24, 2003 - 20:32:25 - print it raw

Fuelled by the excess of time and idle wares, the NSW Government sent out buffers of deflection for perennial whipping boy, CityRail. In leather strapped saddle chafing at the sides, times reported for the state run rail system in line with the timetables. Or rather the misalignment of such and the apparently constant occurrences of oft-late trains turning up drunk for work reeking of sand and hobos in government housing plans.

Set up to take the hard fall are the supposed safety mechanisms and speed recorders in the trains which are apparently causing the tardy times. Devices and such which were only brought back into main use following the whimpering cascading blood at Waterfall. In that instance the speed of the train and fact that they were nearly on time reached levels of paranoia for the passengers. A state which in the end they found themselves smeared along the insides of the carriages.

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Power Shifts, Crank Shafts and Bloody Stands

Ethan Switch - Friday, October 17, 2003 - 15:29:40 - print it raw

Insanity, culpability and responsibility were on order for the week. Brain tumours ran amok, toddlers with the power of adults and imported ethnic gang warfare.

Dour and quiet, Rene Rivkin brought forth another façade to his court proceedings. His issue of appeal tried to claim that the brain tumour that was present during the initial trial period for his insider trading charge affected his behaviour. This as well as the fact that he had a prior relationship with the presiding judge who he thought was biased against him. Driving around in his BMW days before the removal operation was certainly fine form for a lunatic suffering the ails of a disfunction. Meaning he didn't know what he was doing.

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Saudi Arabia Wants to Sink Hint of Nuke Glint

Ethan Switch - Friday, September 19, 2003 - 19:04:48 - print it raw

In the art of smoke and mirrors and all things magic, deception, distraction and diversion are key. With the world in a state of hyper caffeine rush the most elusive items thus far are the famed "weapons of mass destruction" that were the basis for war on the rubble infested and decaying state of Iraq.

Wary of an ever twitchy trigger happy US President, the offices of the Royal Embassy of Saudi Arabia in the United States flushed out a press release. News of acquiring nuclear weapons have been shot down as "totally false" and "baseless" and "motivated by malice." The release also goes on to further push away the axis from Iraq to North Korea and state that Saudi Arabia has "long advocated a Middle East that is free of nuclear, biological and chemical weapons" and that they currently have no plans to renege on such.

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TesticleMouse Moving Closer to Commercial Reality

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, September 3, 2003 - 19:37:45 - print it raw

Out of Munich, Germany, Ingenium Pharmaceuticals AG have delighted themselves with the news of the publication of in "A Mouse Model for Cystinuria Type I" in the September issue of Human Molecular Genetics. The article, with as many authors as a whore gets clients in a day, represents the first mouse model of cystinuria type I, otherwise known as kidney stones.

The mouse represents research from Ingenium's Deductive Genomics program and is expected to aid in the research for therapeutic solutions to the disease. "The goal of our research is to better understand the molecular pathway involved with cystinuria type I and this model is a welcome addition because it is the first model that so closely mimics the human disease state," stated Dr. Thomas Knoll, noted specialist in urology research at the University Hospital Mannheim.

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Frog Hugging Candle Wicks Get Licked

Ethan Switch - Friday, August 29, 2003 - 17:11:57 - print it raw

The ACCC have accepted a recall move from Bonnet Imports on frog ornaments containing candles with lead wicks. Champions of all things toward consumer satisfaction, the ACCC were not called to notice on the claim of the lead wicks, but that the wicks contained more than 0.06% of lead as part of their overall weight.

While a permanent ban on selling leaden wicks has been in effect since September 2002, the ACCC are stunned that they have been able to find retailers still selling the items. The wicks are easy enough to spot with the wick sporting a silvery or dark lead centre.

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