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Aperçus of Death and Biscuits

From a sensation they call a celebration leading to another's erection

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 24 January, 2006 - 16:40:19 - print it raw

Yajaira Bruna, a young man many considered part of the few, was walking along an ill-lit street late on Friday night. Fresh from celebrations with his brethren, he was slightly inebriated and smelled of a hint of cumin.

His left shoe was missing and his walk staggered from a combination of his dragging toe, bloodied by the loss of nail, and the level of alcohol in his system.

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Holiday road deaths leave impressive score to settle for next year

Ethan Switch - Saturday, 7 January, 2006 - 15:06:17 - print it raw

With help from an extra leap second for New Year's Eve of 2005, the nation's drivers and passengers trumped last year's holiday road toll. Staggering through the doors of hell with an impressive 30 count corpse increase, the tally of 78 crumpled and charred remains leaves a high mark for the next Christmas and New Year period.

Showing a renewed effort over last year, Queensland rose to the challenge and added a baker's dozen to read 19. One short of the reigning champions. An effort which brought out all reserves to include those without licences to drive.

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Excitement gets Big Kev scrubbed and flushed

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 6 December, 2005 - 23:25:13 - print it raw

Losing ground in the doom filled fillo pastry of a world conquered by the obese, with men swabbing guts holding more than other bellies can, Kevin "Big Kev" McQuay flipped the big bird and washed his cleaning products down the drain along with his life.

Suffering a heart attack last night, the Gold Coast businessman, famous for shouting over his flamboyant shirts, died at the age of 55 and with the volume set beyond all others.

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Convicted drug smuggler, Van Tuong Nguyen, hung like a mule

Ethan Switch - Friday, 2 December, 2005 - 14:49:35 - print it raw

Like the potential victims of his short-lived career as a drug courier, Van Nguyen twitched till dead by the virtue of non-life. Hanged by the Singaporean Government at 06:00 Singapore time (09:00 Australian Eastern Daylight Savings time) early this December morning.

Holding vigil under the threat of protest, supporters, choked by tears and sorrow, lightened up the gates of Changi prison, keeper of the man convicted three years ago of moving masses of malice.

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No next time for Dr. Claw

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 27 September, 2005 - 23:22:39 - print it raw

Don Adams, famous for being the voice of Inspector Gadget in Inspector Gadget, was chosen by a lung infection and died at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles on Sunday. Adams was also well-known for the role of Maxwell Smart, a bumbling and high-ranking secret agent for secret spy organisation CONTROL.

Dead after 82 years of living, Adams, worth two 43s, falls four years shy of his Agent 86 character's designation.

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Gilligan's dead body washes up on the radar

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, 7 September, 2005 - 18:28:25 - print it raw

On the battle of posthumous work getting harder and harder to score, agent Mike Eisenstadt let loose with the news that his one time and now rigor mortis client, Bob Denver, died on Friday.

Following complications from cancer, the death at the Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Centre in North Carolina comes despite continuing focus on the weather and in particular, the watery forces of a vengeful Mother Nature.

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Previous entries in Death and Biscuits

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If what can turn a foul mood around becomes the harbinger of the foul mood, what happens next? Turn it into a learning experience. And when that learning curve makes a late break over the plate, you'd better start to swing away.
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It doesn't take a big man to admit that he drinks. It takes a big man to get wasted and perform impromptu sermons naked from a balcony; raving upon the ravages of the insanity of stata bylaws and noisy offspring in adjoining arpartments...

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