Aperçus of Death and Biscuits

Easter road toll leaves hole in more than just the heads

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 18 April, 2006 - 23:30:21 - print it raw

Closing out the Easter road toll at a mere twenty one deaths, numbers fall short by six dead on the target set by 2005. Shallow graves in accounting as the stark reality bites home that the end of ends has been hard fought in a time of much chocolate.

Charging out with the numbers and increasing their tally by three, New South Wales put away a clean nine as their contribution to the national count.

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Warning on dirt hungry impetus of lazy Sunday body bag drivers

Ethan Switch - Sunday, 9 April, 2006 - 23:53:37 - print it raw

Days yet away from official phone and toll booth crumple zone extravaganzas for Easter, police and doctors are sighing disbelief at the current state of numbers. Comparing corpses to that of the previous year, 2006 is already leaping ahead, up 25 per cent and with no signs of abating.

Professor Danny Cass, chair of the Royal Australasian College of Surgeons, says surgeons dealing with road accident victims fear drivers becoming lazy about road safety. This despite the most unequivocal proactive movement in grave allotments and crematorium appointments.

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Drop a feather, Pro Hart is out of the way

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 4 April, 2006 - 23:53:45 - print it raw

Half of the seats are empty and others are all up at the back. Brave are they down in the first three rows.

Throw the spaghetti on the carpet and start swimming in the sauce. Backstroke in chocolate mousse and jack hammer the jelly.

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Bananarama storms over meagre Harmony Day celebrations

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 21 March, 2006 - 23:56:31 - print it raw

Looters in Queensland have taken a breather from the ravages of working over time before interstate rivals raid on their parade. With the aftermath of a stormy season brought on by Cyclone Larry, the sheer workload has increased dramatically as the plight of citizens, residents and inanimate objects take over the night's news and brought their actions under even more scrutiny.

Also taking a relatively low laying approach to festivities, celebrations for Harmony Day. Going fairly unnoticed, even as part of a larger scheme of UN sanctioned activities, the general consensus for peace and harmony fell on the ears of dead crops, wiped down by the menace of wind and a particularly harsh watering cycle.

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Milosevic burial possibly ingenious escape from sitting in a courtroom

Ethan Switch - Sunday, 19 March, 2006 - 23:58:30 - print it raw

Dropping dead of a heart attack earlier in the month, ex-Yugoslav leader Slobodan Milosevic took out space in the ground for his resting place.

Supporters numbering tens of thousands and tourists caught in the rush attended the farewell ceremony in Belgrade before the corpse was carted off to sink its sights in Pozarevac.

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Digging for the difference of treasure in arms

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 21 February, 2006 - 17:00:58 - print it raw

Rejoicing queue lines suffer a blow as the estimates for death constantly wind back numbers. The Philippine civil defence office, in the continuing drudge and aftermath of a non-politically elected landslide, took the number of dead down a notch on Monday. From the initially impressive 1408, floating bodies of a census led calculations to reel back to at least 913 taken by the mud of Guinsaugon, in the central island of Leyte.

With a local population of approximately 1420, a slither of hope remains that the number may yet increase again given unknown numbers of visitors in the area.

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