Aperçus of Death and Biscuits

Stingray boosts Croc Hunter Steve Irwin's fortunes

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 5 September, 2006 - 23:54:59 - print it raw

Escalating competition in the documentary market and the resurgence of the environment as an issue are possibly behind the fatal attack of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin.

Trained stingray platoons yesterday sent one of their short-tail own to silence Irwin as he was filming another one of his documentaries. The unidentified fish stabbed the owner and operator of Australia Zoo with its poisonous barb causing his heart to seize and ruin the loose story board of the documentary.

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Whaling on the Japanese with the secrecy and all

Ethan Switch - Sunday, 18 June, 2006 - 23:57:36 - print it raw

Pile driving into the water with a head long rush for the flush, pro-whaling nations were set to cow tip the scales in their favour. Looking set to sweep a larger loop hole for their whale meat scavenging expeditions, the chain broke on their drawstring pro-whaling majority at the latest meet up of the International Whaling Commission.

First to dunk under the blue rinse, beefing up the fishing hauls with the addition of dolphins and porpoises in the mix. Defeated by the majority against.

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Zombies lurch upon Opera House for undead rights and braaaaaiiiins

Ethan Switch - Sunday, 30 April, 2006 - 23:46:41 - print it raw

Warmly mild and cool to the breeze just like any other Sunday afternoon, a zombie horde made their slow moving lurch from the steps of Town Hall to the sails of the Sydney Opera House.

Shuffles of undead feet managed to move through and past the chaos of living pedestrians bearing fresh brains, so many of which smell exotic and foreign. With not a single icecream scoop presented nor a single attack taking place, the zombies in the day's proceedings were of a civil nature.

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Ten years on and still going strong for Port Arthur massacre

Ethan Switch - Friday, 28 April, 2006 - 23:58:28 - print it raw

"On the morning of Sunday 28 April 1996, a young Hobart man armed himself with three high-powered automatic firearms and a large quantity of ammunition, then drove to Port Arthur."

And ten years on, the now historic site of the Broad Arrow Cafe in Hobart remains high up on a scenic tours itinerary for the bloody trail. One in which syrup and colouring are only part of the menu. Tastes are a mere side dish with coleslaw costing extra.

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Anzac road toll shifts below and beyond the realm

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, 25 April, 2006 - 23:42:00 - print it raw

Quiet and the rain left many standing around in the wet honouring the dead of wars long ago and even of those in recent past. No lingering thoughts then for the many who sacrificed their lives in the rise of numbers seen on the nation's road tolls.

Sadly, with the proximity of the Easter calculations taking a swipe at healthy corpses, numbers prove erratic. Enough to even warrant the chasing shadow of arithmetical and statistical analysis.

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Restless roadside crews waiting on the rush of Anzac strips

Ethan Switch - Friday, 21 April, 2006 - 13:36:40 - print it raw

Fresh off the recent road toll countdown over the Easter holiday round trips and tally markers, clean up crews are prepping for the Anzac onslaught over the weekend. Near and not too far behind, florists who will also double book sellouts with the parade of diggers and dawn services expected.

Running close to within a total span of a fortnight, the numbers on the nation's tolls may be affected from the recent splurge of corpses littering the highways and side streets.

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