Aperçus of Death and Biscuits

Anzac Day road toll down as scores of trash litter Anzac Cove

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, April 26, 2005 - 19:56:47 - print it raw

News that Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark had had sex at least once so far during the months long marriage with his wife, Crown Princess Mary, sent shock waves of discussion throughout a harsh and uncaring world. Debate mounts over the succession rights and rules on the already proclaimed death of the royal couple. As the unborn baby's gender rolls out the speculative betting odds, road side flower sellers were in greater shock at the poor turning out over the Anzac Day long weekend period.

Despite breaking out the body bags with an early jump, New South Wales turned in less than a stellar performance. Over the course of the entire three day clock, not another person was taken permanently off the roads. A number down from last year's count. Operation Go Slow was too far in effect.

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For A.C., his wife, Francine, and their two children

Belvedere Jehosophat - Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 18:23:00 - print it raw

A.C. suffered from Motorphobia, which is the intense, irrational fear of automobiles.

It was to avoid the breathlessness, the excessive sweating, the dry mouth, the nausea, the anxiety attacks, the heart palpitations, the myriad of other acute and unpleasant symptoms that he would travel by train as often as he could.

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Crumpled and charred jump start of Anzac holiday road toll

Ethan Switch - Friday, April 22, 2005 - 19:48:56 - print it raw

At least two over eager motorists from New South Wales have already put their own lives and miseries to an end. Hours in a day before officials started the legitimate tallying of bodies and strewn parts on roads and highways for the long Anzac weekend holiday period.

Breaking his neck, body and pretty much any hope of having to deal with a taxed society suffering under voluntary student unionism, a young 17-year-old. Sending himself packing head on against another vehicle driven by a 63-year-old woman. The metallic beasts and the woman were not the worse off in that confrontation at Emerald Beach.

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They had hope though, however never mind that!

Ethan Switch - Monday, April 18, 2005 - 19:49:41 - print it raw

Destitute and beyond desertion, the King street homeless gathered to farewell one of Barrack street's own. Grant Childress, considered a rookie for having only spent the last quarter of a decade slumming the streets, was put down in a quiet ceremony with few, if any, passers-by stopping to smell the pungent aroma of urine soaked rags void of riches.

Filming of Superman Returns captured the eyeballs of the many gathered around the Barrack street locale. Their noses, eyes and ears all choosing to block out the misery and the lot in life considered invisible and a mere nuisance. A nightmare best experienced in televised transmissions only.

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Downhill toward the blood of the captain's mate

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 19:00:40 - print it raw

Fighting against the shadow of an unseen attack, Jerome Pitt fell under the might of his wooden leg. Taking hit after hit as his stereo system rose above the levels dictated by the surrounding establishments, his screams for help wandered lost and in vain.

Drowned out by the soft dulcet tones of a deceased Bobby Darin, the neighbouring residents were only given to complaints of the disruption. Fully expecting Pitt to have moved on from the period in his life guarded by thrash metal jams sanctioned against the very fabric of humanity, their anger burned under the pretence of caution mixed with a case of mock surprise.

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Easter road toll for 2005 bests last year

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, March 30, 2005 - 19:42:28 - print it raw

Despite even the pretence of foul play in working the Easter holiday road toll numbers, 2005 proved to be a smashing success compared to 2004. "Absolutely stunning," say the pundits, car wreckers and number crunchers.

Scraping off the roads for another Easter holiday road trip, the numbers

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