Ethan Switch - Tuesday, November 29, 2005 - 23:17:59
Deborah, a milkmaid low on luck and with no petrol for the truck, found herself stranded on a refuge island off a main street in Hayes, Michigan.
From all evidence and eye witness reports, no external forces were keeping the woman between the south and north banks of the highway road. Only an internal, invisible conscription.
Read the rest of Sulken milk, a lamenting maid, on the hill a deal is made
Ethan Switch - Friday, November 25, 2005 - 23:03:48
Forward and backward, the being lies in the fetal position of the far corner. Taking a step forward with the right foot, the left negates any positive encroachment on every step back.
The feet move in unison as they traverse the plane in opposing directions in one instant only to change track, head the other and find themselves again in opposing fields.
Read the rest of One going up, one coming down, but we seem to land on common ground
Ethan Switch - Wednesday, November 23, 2005 - 16:02:01
Waters in the table below a farmer's black market on the outskirts of Cowra in New South Wales were far below the expected. Taking no chances by his crop, a farmer by the name of Datenda Taoust enlisted three travellers. Travellers who would be paid to provide music for the soil feeding his plants and for the livelihood of roots making purchase of the nutrients within.
Of a naked ambition and as much clothing, a brunette named Cleta danced possessed around the perimeter of the property. As of the last sighting by the group, she was to have turned the corner of the far eastern plot. Seven hours would soon pass since she began her rhythmic steps before either one of them poured a glass of water on the first groove.
Read the rest of Time beat the drum and cymbals to a clang of their own discontent
Ethan Switch - Sunday, November 20, 2005 - 22:03:00
Schapelle Corby, running faster and going nowhere even quicker with her hair dressing career, is still locked in a Bali hole. Sentenced to 20 years, her chances of staying relevant against other recent drug smacking mules, abusers and stool users took a severe hit on the weekend.
Beating out the other contestants, convicted ecstasy junkie, Michelle Leslie, finds the exit to the Bali courts and gaols. Convicted as a drug user and sentenced to three months, the model's time already served showed the Australian the door as certain periods of expiration necessitated such moves. Expected to have hit the shores some time earlier in the day, the model has gone gopher on her return to Australia.
Read the rest of Leslie bails on Bali, Corby continues the rot and the IX stay festering
Jimmy Weasel - Wednesday, November 16, 2005 - 19:56:08
Mark Schwarzer has emerged as a hero among men after a sterling effort in a nail biting penalty shootout. Viduka was the only Australian to fail from The Spot as all the others seemed to make the nut. With this, Uruguay can try again in 4 years time with their underhanded tactics and lame backplay, as it has exposed how weak their middle is in the flow of play.
Telstra Stadium damn near exploded with excitement 2/3 the way through the first half, as Australia finally put the ball into the back of the Uruguayan net. Occurring within 25 seconds of his start on the pitch, the goal is a result of with a really really bad strike, or a really brilliant pass to Bresciano, who latched onto it like a hungry bastard and put it screaming into the net. Uruguay seem to have no answer to Australia's unrelenting attack, no matter how accidental the damage.
Read the rest of Australia through to World Cup; Uruguay free to go home and lick their wounds as ugly hounds
Ethan Switch - Tuesday, November 15, 2005 - 20:18:33
Taking charge of centres across the country, rallies for workers' rights and protests large in impressive and throbbing numbers. Fuelling the fires of their ire, the Howard government's impending and near complete changes and abolition of laws concerning industrial relations.
Initial numbers from the Martin Place and Belmore Park gatherings in Sydney rounded off at 10 000 and 20 000 respectively. As reports filtered through to the respective union sites and news reports, the main Sydney rally popped digits from 40 000 to 45 000 collectively and dynamically.
Read the rest of Rallies for workers' rights rally with protests for rights
Jimmy Weasel - Sunday, November 13, 2005 - 09:10:18
Frustrating. This was the nature of today's game. Once again facing Uruguay in a World Cup Qualifier, the Socceroos were lucky to escape only one goal down. Not as good as a draw or even a win, but it could have been far worse. Despite appearing to dominate in the first half, Australia's control slipped later on, with possession frequently stripped due to passing flaws and what seemed like a complacent attitude towards the game. The Uruguayans did play as the feisty bunch of hot-heads as predicted in the buildup - spending a lot of time on the ground rolling around in the pseudo-agony encouraged by their crowd. With any luck science can one day find a cure for the myotonia they seem to suffer when confronted by the Australian defence.
Wednesday 7pm Sydney time, we shall see who progresses.
Read the rest of Uruguay 1 - Australia 0
Ethan Switch - Wednesday, November 9, 2005 - 12:30:25
For too long on the sidelines watching other Iraq invading countries bathe in all the Muslim and terrorism raiding joviality, the Australian federal government rushed through anti-terrorism legislation earlier in the month.
Releasing the Senate hounds in sending through the lingering legislation on a "specific and credible" threat, Prime Minister John Howard was proud at the achievement and speed of the process.
Read the rest of Terrorism in Australia catches up in world wide fever stakes
Ethan Switch - Monday, November 7, 2005 - 19:56:32
Following a round of new baptisms for the month, fatality strikes the holy waters as a self-affirmed and appointed voice of goD shakes uncontrollably at the hands of a recently acquired karaoke machine.
Deacon Roy Haider, shortly after reclaiming excommunicated Bea Howe, taken back from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, revealed a hidden microphone from underneath his jacket. Unveiling a newly constructed menu of festivities for such occasions, he motioned toward a page to turn up the volume on the speakers set by the pool.
Read the rest of Speaking of the truth and a reclamation of the wayward flock
Jimmy Weasel - Thursday, November 3, 2005 - 17:08:33
In a deft slight-of-hand media spin cycle, not only have specific credible threats been suggested as the best distraction of monstrous IR reform and anti-terror legislation, but an email hoax to better Virgin mobile and PlayStation marketing campaigns has savaged inboxes throughout the city of Sydney.
"It's surprising that peoples 'FWD' buttons don't just fall off from overuse. I hate your goddamn jokes, and I don't think the NSW Police are going to circulate warnings the same way that parents generate money for MSN sponsored kids," hissed one cynic on the train today.
Read the rest of What the deuce are they planning next?
Jimmy Weasel - Tuesday, November 1, 2005 - 12:00:37
Fools will often impart their bad advice on Cup Day - instructions on picking a winner flying fast and ready. TAB looking for suckers, and woe betide any who go to the window asking for advice or better picks. "Look at the queues!" the cashier will screech and refuse service. You're lucky you weren't beaten by the crazed mob.
Women strut about the city all frocked up - matching shoes and bags while parading resemblances to deceased waterfowl on their hastily coiffed skulls. Is this even about the horses any more? Clearly not, with all their savage mistreatment, this sport of Kings seeks only to profit and kill the maimed/crippled.
Read the rest of Today's favourite is tomorrow's glue
Finagle with our bagel and keep a fresh and up-to-date eyeball on our latest reviews, articles and filthy somesuch. Mmm doughy.
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