Ancient apercus from May 2004

Popping Those Pills as You Cook with Gas

Ethan Switch - Monday, May 31, 2004 - 20:58:52

Conventional ovens heat the theory that the U.S. actually govern the oil reserves sumping the Middle East. Lining the trays with reflective aluminium foil is the belief that the barons that stand together as OPEC are nothing more than C-grade actors of appropriate appearance. This leads some to think that the rotating spit of cries on rising oil prices is a sure sign of cahoots found sleeping with the parties. Or that the stock in Hybrid car manufacturing is held long with an option to buy out the world later on.

Fine running of interference then for the FDA and pharmaceutical companies of the United States. Canada is partly to blame for the rising oil prices. Their low, low prices on bulk bought drugs has left many pharmacies in the States seeing the dust blown in their faces as the addled and elderly go on trips across the border. The new kind of casino shuttle, they buy big from the Canadians and leave the gouging prices for the less border-bound. At least they were able to.

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Fingers Might Be Waving But Blood Ain't Running Here Today

Ethan Switch - Thursday, May 27, 2004 - 21:29:56

Sunday saw the diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder in Bulldog's Willie Mason released along with mentions many of adult respite, ritalin. Publicity commentators saw the news as an attempt to excuse his recent bad behaviour with police proceedings regarding the rape allegations. Children and parents across the country hoping to pin their hopes on blaming their bad behaviour took heed to the reaction of the blame-all on the relatively trend-worthy affliction. Others saw it as a way to boost the mental hold of the NSW State of Origin side against Queensland. Certainly nobody would challenge a man with any sort of medical condition or handicap.

Wednesday then opened up a can of spoils in the AFL. Hawthorn's Nathan Thompson revealed that he had been duelling with the demon of depression for years. Quick to stamp out the chiding fires of fault, Thompson said that it was not excusing his poor form for the season. Driving the openness of the illness is the hope that it will help others better cope and deal with their depression. However, no mention of a specific drug was dropped.

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The Power of Suggestion - Today: The Hybrid; Tomorrow: You?

Jimmy Weasel - Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 20:05:32

As time passes, the obvious emerges. The obvious, in this case, has been developed to obscure the rest. The rest, of course, being what can be described as "the unproven agenda." While it's widely assumed that certain military actions are about oil, it should be noted that the bigger picture contains an emission-reduced focal point. A product will sell better in suited conditions, and a well placed media hype-job on how soaring petrol prices will eat your baby around a release date seems like the ideal environment.

The synapses of the Great Masses are firing blanks - numbed down from current affairs programs hell bent on producing tears upon the stupid, the weak and the ignorant.

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His Hat is a Funny Shape, His Heart is a Brick

Belvedere Jehosophat - Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 20:36:56

Spotted by an investment banker and digested with his technician girlfriend was the story of a newly hired mail-delivery boy.

Normally, this would be of no concern to anyone, however, for some inexplicable reason our hero, despite having the most menial of tasks, was wearing a full business suit, garnering the stares of the most important of business types.

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Microfiction Readings to Rampage Melbourne Cityscape

Ethan Switch - Monday, May 17, 2004 - 20:46:09

Asserting their brand of head space on the minds and eyes of the Melbourne city walkers, young writers condensed into familial expression limits of 25 words or less. Presented by Express Media, ACMI and rok media, the Microfiction event will run from 18 to 30 May as part of the 2004 Next Wave festival.

Flashing up on the city's LED screens, around twenty young wordsmiths will have their pieces running across the displays ranging from extremely short shots of narrative, fiction, commentary and textual massage. Stated on the line, "the intention is to encourage young writers to experiment with writing stories in less than twenty five words." Territorially, this method of stricture closes many minds entering competitions of such unlimited expression.

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Amplified Salivations on Danish Royal Wedding

Ethan Switch - Friday, May 14, 2004 - 20:33:35

Tasting the flavour of an injection of Australian royalty within their reaches, viewers left unsullied by a disconnect to the impending Danish royal wedding. Royal nuptials are far and few between, one with Australian blood even rarer still and the union of Prince Frederik Christian and Tasmania's Mary Donaldson has been rubbed vigourously into the eyes of the masses stronger than a salt force on the Mainland.

Blanket coverage is rivalling major news points for the week. The treatment and quiet joy of prisoner treatment befalling Iraqis captured in battle, darkly humourous American beheadings, faked photographs showing British soldiers getting their heels into the Iraqis and the Federal Budget overspill.

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Sitting Pretty are the Dead Men and Women of War

Ethan Switch - Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 21:18:43

Portrait artist Michael Reagan has found new life in the dead soldiers never to take another breath following their turns in the War Against Terrorism™. Families of servicemen taken out of the mainstream in Iraq and Afghanistan will be reminded of the absence of their loved for each portrait produced free of charge by Reagan.

Revival of his relatively quiet existence was sparked when Seattle's Evening Magazine show ran a story about Reagan's portraiture work. Cherice Johnson, gaining widow status following the death of her husband, Michael Johnson who was killed in Iraq, contacted Reagan following the broadcast and commissioned a portrait of her late spouse.

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Three Bombs, Two Committees, One City Under the Gun

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, May 5, 2004 - 21:03:50

Premature explosions near a police station in Kalithea (south of Athens, Greece) pointed some to the rampant escalation of deadlines Greek construction companies are facing in the led up to the Athens Olympics. Others were concerned that the celebrations for the mark of 100 days until the start of the Games of the XXVIII Olympiad would rob the spotlight from security and terrorism surrounding the games and athletes.

Pouncing to conclusions, security and intelligence forces started drawing lines and pointed fingers toward terrorists as the source of the uproar. Clearly working to full effect, two committees have so far gone under the radar in relation to the actions of a few dislodged chunks of concrete and cement.

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Fumble Out of Bed and Stumble to the Kitchen and Pour Myself a Cup of Ambition and

Belvedere Jehosophat - Tuesday, May 4, 2004 - 21:05:58

Whilst seeking respite from the blessed “Universal Freedom” granted us all, a young woman was involved in a shocking accident not far from a certain microbiology laboratory in Banksia.

It seems that while waiting for what was—we can only hope—a jumbo mocha-latte, a car parked across the street broke free of its moorings pinning the young lady between the bonnet of the car and the door of the mobile coffee truck.

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Big Brother 4 Secret Out and About $1 Million

Ethan Switch - Monday, May 3, 2004 - 19:29:54

Leading up to the first episode of the fourth series of Big Brother, viewers were droned and zoned into mildly guessing at what the elusive "secret" would be. Teaser advertisements proclaiming a new twist to the fish-bowl reality TV show stressed at the impact it might have on the nominations and/or votes for the housemates. Revealing a $1 million first prize for the last standing housemate failed to elicit any sort of reaction beyond the shock of the live audience in what host Gretel Killeen half-wore for the broadcast.

An airtight lock down of the compound trapping the housemates while a deadly mist of sarin gas claimed the lives of contestants was one of the calls placed on short odds. Punters who placed bets on the big secret of BB4 being such lost out. Similar strains which included the unleashing of a deadly virus and a litre of hemlock in one of the bottles too claimed the gambler's money.

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Switch Flick Kicks Hick to Bricks

Ethan Switch - Monday, May 3, 2004 - 18:45:08

Earlier today, a man was blown away from his workstation following a simple electrical error. Working at an unnamed place of business, the man, known only through tattoos as Colonel Rogers, was supposedly attempting to frustrate his anger into a solid pane of existence.

Following his dazed recovery, Rogers' hands were noticeably torched and his locks of hair, once home to a glorious mullet, singed within an inch of the scalp. After the shock, he was questioned on the actions which led to his plying against a wall. From his accounts, the voltage on the power outlet was switched lower than expected. The resultant discrepancy between the intended voltage and that of the delivered cause for a rather loud spark.

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