Ethan Switch - Friday, May 30, 2003 - 17:44:45
Not more than a few twisted moments of navigation away and around the floors of the Sydney Tower—once known as the AMP Tower and the Centrepoint Tower—the Pretzel World food court people have found a rather economical solution to the problem of stray and unwanted dogs. Positioned erratically and with no regard for the sellers of The Big Issue, Pretzel World workers are doling out coupons which aren't coupons but more like that of flyers, if flyers were without scrupulous people working to use every single space of paper before them.
Shined to a high sheen gloss and soaking up but the toughest of oil stains from foreheads dripping with combination skin tones the throwaway from Pretzel World proclaims: American Dog & Drink for $4.90 followed in small print riding the bottom margin: INCLUDES: 1 American dog & sauce, 1 regular drink or coffee of your choice. Upsize for only .40c
Read the rest of Speak! The Meat of Meats of Which There is None
Belvedere Jehosophat - Friday, May 30, 2003 - 15:24:38
It was a lapse in judgment no more, a common one. The sort that allows for the selection of a wholly inappropriate movie at the cinema or that allows a mother to leave a child in a pram outside a shop only to have said pram roll away, and it was a lapse not unlike these that nonetheless that left a young man blinded.
It seems that in a hasty attempt to grab eye drops from the refrigerator a man has accidentally picked up a bottle of a weak adhesive that had been prepared by the father a little earlier. Alerted by the burning in his right eye that all wasn’t right, he panicked.
Read the rest of Three Days Later And Still Waiting For The Flash...
Ethan Switch - Thursday, May 29, 2003 - 11:03:37
Found abandoned in a parking lot behind a hotel over two weeks ago a yellow Toyota Corolla sedan has finally been removed from the premises. Sporting smashed windows and unburnt upholstery, the vehicle was at the rear parking lot of the public house for what seemed closer to a fortnight than two weeks.
Rampantly putative amongst the denizens who frequent the surrounding scrub area during midnight scratching sessions is the belief that the vehicle was involved in either a getaway or the inhuman victim of a robbery. Obvious disdain for the evidence at foot lent a helping hand toward the body of conjecture and invalid extrapolation.
Read the rest of Six Too Many Drinks Fourteen Days Later
Jimmy Weasel - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 17:44:30
The major channels still work hard to make sure the day is News-Free, repeating the sports numbers; the only difference between them being volume. The order of events varies from time to time but the unspoken message of repetition and baffling irrelevance is keeping the people stupid yet entertained: the flaw of the media. To inform minus the entertainment component is ratings suicide.
Baffling ad campaigns have equally baffling successors when the right plugs are pulled. Dodo internet have converted the "fat kid" ad campaign into "bespectacled woman" series of ads. No longer making a point of a fat kid's penchant for pies, the campaign retains the caped flightless namesake of the company, this time visiting the home of someone who isn't lead by their stomach. No reason has been given for the young foodbag's dismissal; one can only assume "inappropriate behaviour" on he or the dodo's behalf, or some kind of dead-whore incident that most companies would prefer to cover than reveal. Interstices reveal more than their surrounds; you just need the right kind of vision.
Read the rest of Numbing the nerved
Belvedere Jehosophat - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 11:49:37
It is difficult to determine the effects that casual, yet socially necessary, interactions can have on people — especially they of the young, impressionable variety.
Take the young girl who on collecting money for the Salvation Army was confronted by a man who had in one hand a pair of shorts and in the other a look of total distaste. "Sorry," responded the man, "I've haven't got any change and I'm not wearing any pants."
Read the rest of Colonised Youth; Tutorial on Wax Streets
Ethan Switch - Monday, May 26, 2003 - 15:14:40
A relationship exists on a subconscious level between the mind and the body during times of stress and pressure. Usually unbeknownst to the subject on which the light of the moment is cast upon, the slightest movement or inflection tells an altogether different tale to the one being spoken. Such are the giveaways and tell tale signs so given to the faces of many uncomfortable and apprentice liars. Not surprisingly, the most common of these deceptions involve the face and head area.
The relatively new Wealth Creator Magazine seems to have missed the lessons against this tell. Now into its forth issue, WCM have featured what at face value are rich men who are at odds with what is being said and what they themselves are trying to say. Gerry Harvey (Harvey Norman), Domenic Carosa (Destra), Robert Kiyosaki (My Seven Rich Dads) and now Rene Rivkin (a cigar and worry beads) have all appeared on the covers to the budding entrepreneurial magazine. Each of these men, while looking down the lens of the camera (except perhaps for Kiyosaki who looks upward with optimism), are also caressing their faces in what an editor might have thought to convey a look of contemplation or rumination.
Read the rest of Disassociative Stories of a Dead Eye and Affectionate Jawline
Ethan Switch - Friday, May 23, 2003 - 18:16:07
Local community newspapers are delivered freely to the homes of many on a weekly basis. Despite the fact that the lead time is slightly more relaxed than of the metropolitan counterparts, rivalries are still rife amongst them. The major competitors in this racket of local advertising spells are backed by the legacy of Fairfax and News Corp. In a case of either/or the weekly drop-off puts the surrounding suburbs centre spot in a barbed war battle of editorial might, integrity and positive spotlighting. To the casual resident these newspapers provide a finger-tipped mess while deliberating over the past 24 hours worth of intestinal duty.
Jostling for prime position in the reader's eyes gives credence as they seek the almighty might of the advertising dollar and real estate listings which go on to contribute to 80% of the final content. If one newspaper alters their design the other can either follow suit and revamp their look or stay with the current look exerting an elitist notion of age and hence respect within the community. Another tactic could have one undercutting the price of their product in the face of their opposition. But as many of these local newspapers are delivered free to the gardens of many, it matters little.
Read the rest of Walking off with the Opposition
Alex Yamakazi - Friday, May 23, 2003 - 12:46:20
Our City is invaded. To my left, to my right, as far as the eye can see, on any pretext possible, fake lesbians. T.A.T.U. on video smash hits has a certain french film charm. I can even buy the girl on girl Levis billboards. She looks like she may actually have kissed a girl for reasons other than impressing boys at a club.
Workward bound yesterday the cover of "The Sydney Magazine" caught my eye. Two ultra glam, made-up model types displaying some serious chemistry. I couldn't wait to get into work and see what pretext they used to justify this eyecatching lesbierotic cover.
Read the rest of Lesbians, lesbians everywhere
Ethan Switch - Thursday, May 22, 2003 - 10:53:59
Geriatrics turning tricks on street corners near tattoo parlours don’t often appear in the wrinkle festive glow of the midday sun. As such they would hardly venture out into the world now known to them but as a figment of tumorous brutalities of their former years and memories rapidly dissipating. Wracked with the pains of infirmary and sore joints the sheer simplicity of walking falls well beyond their means. Often reeking of odours mysterious and chemically enhanced the elderly of society watch the watchmen watching them wither away unto death. Relics of the new day, the walking dead exist to remind the more active of the times to come.
Witness to a scene of an impending future: an old lady stands bracing herself with two trolleys, one in each hand. Shaking from the cold morning air the old lady holds defiantly onto the handles of each of the carriers of bulk bought consumables. Near inaudible growling whispers in the air on each approaching pedestrian. The door to the funeral parlour in which she is standing outside nearly tackles her.
Read the rest of Enfeebled Betrayal of The Degradation of Life
Ethan Switch - Wednesday, May 21, 2003 - 06:42:23
Along the better half of a disjointed highway feet play homage to the battering of the pavement and as such pound heavily the ants and the gnats too lazy to rise up from beneath the footpaths. Wandering lost souls journey back and forth, side to side and all directions by way of their lower most extremities.
Hectic as the rushing traffic of the cars may be the flurry of angry shouts and fist full of dollars often come across strange and unusual scenes and occurrences. Daily from one to the next the plight of humans strains against the blinkers strapped onto the racers of this rat infested world.
Read the rest of Downward Stares of the Big Brown Bears
Ethan Switch - Tuesday, May 20, 2003 - 06:02:52
Jingling the jangle of the ice cream truck shingles, three small sub-humans awoke from their sleeper mode. Running out into the street the children lined up in a flimsy wall of flesh and still growing bones to bring to a dangerous halt the dozing driver who was careening ever so slowly down the suburban street with one hand on the wheel and the other tugging rope. Minutes later the operatives walked toward the rear of their domicile carrying unmarked white packages with a mysterious mist of sorts emanating from the lining. They were not of the usual ice cream box variety.
In another location, more preadolescents were spotted waiting in an abandoned car park lot. Their skulls are assumed to have been tested and weathered many impacts to their foreheads given their size and stature and the fact that they were seen for at least an hour bouncing a basketball off their heads — or heading - as if it were a cheap, out-of-the-petrol-station-rack football — otherwise known as soccer balls. They did not seem to suffer any ill effects of the pounding of their foreheads for nigh on an hour.
Read the rest of Disturbingly Quiet Pockets of Splinter Children
Ethan Switch - Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 06:19:47
Cratered scenes and odour machines. The measure of a nation and the economy lie in the encrusted faces and under the fingernails of the denizens which line the gutters and kerbsides of everyday life and indeed the actual streets of this metaphor.
In other words, the people who find a home away from home, those that are forced or resort to spending what could very well be the last days of their lives shared with the harsh weather and angry rats of the streets. Metaphors notwithstanding.
Read the rest of Bloody Deception Lying in the Gutters
Ethan Switch - Wednesday, May 14, 2003 - 11:15:05
Drunken aspects of the broken bottle appear not to have infiltrated the glossy sheen of the recently erected architectural landscape of the harbour line of Sydney. A shiner of an example would be that of Pyrmont, nestled on one of the areola of the breasts of the udder of Sydney. One agent was sent out to the suburb known famously for something that cannot at this time be recalled due to the stench of fish and hormonal secretions of the crabs.
In what could only be considered complacency of security the exercise discovered a confliction of perception and respect to the surrounds. The cited took witness to the reality that lined one such artery known as Mount Street.
Read the rest of Bizarre Rumblings at the High End of Town
Ethan Switch - Saturday, May 10, 2003 - 06:39:58
The Ronald McDonald House is a supposed refuge, a "home away from home" for those of the younger set waiting for an operation or recuperating from such at a nearby hospital. The organisation is a charity and relies on events marketed as such to generate the funds needed to keep alive the focus.
The children are in no way bound by any agreements other than perhaps that of being happy. In a provision of misconception in a recent advertisement just as soon to be shelved, there is an underlying hint of what may come to pass for survivors of both the operating rooms and the big house.
Read the rest of A Clean Bill of Health for Sickness
Ethan Switch - Friday, May 9, 2003 - 02:30:38
Lost in these days of apathy and the sheltered, the need to know the neighbours in the street. With suburbs pushing faster and faster into the destruction of the surrounding lands the desire to acknowledge the faces of the community is fading with just as much momentum.
In fact, the only time that the neighbourhood watch watches is when the neighbourhood itself becomes the focus of the spotlight following the aurally deceptive sounds of directed fire or an uncontained explosion of emotions. Not to seem distant and umbrageous, character witness accounts before the almighty lens of the broadcasting cameras recall a quiet and harmonious existence with the adjacent residents.
Read the rest of Postmarked Portents of Impendent Calamity
Ethan Switch - Tuesday, May 6, 2003 - 05:44:34
On January 28, 1986, the whole television-receiving world watched in a stunned platter of popcorn and soda astonishment when the space shuttle Challenger exploded shortly after take-off. Amongst the seven member crew was school teacher, Sharon Christa McAuliffe. Exploding only 73 seconds after lift off the accident was a set back for the space exploration program, not to mention any plans the crew had on their return.
Haunting memories of Challenger resonated through again on February 1, 2003, as the families and viewers aware of the actual expedition watched as the space shuttle Columbia lost all sense of coherence and fell victim to the harshness that is re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere. Lost in the scattering sky with the other six was first timer Laurel Clark. Along with the human crew of astronauts were a batch of spidernauts who had been bred with school and university student enthusiasm at Melbourne Zoo.
Read the rest of Men Land on Earth (Alive and Uncharred)
Ethan Switch - Friday, May 2, 2003 - 01:35:48
Skanks, losers, the hopeless and the indeterminate. The strain of the populace found coughing, spluttering and stinking up the streets and the world in general. Hose these animals down, stick a hard plastic nametag on their chest and watch their eyes glaze over and bile ducts go into overdrive on the sight of their un-badged brethren. Day after day these two vile creatures meet head on in the governmental offices, both doing the least they can for the day at hand. The line churns on and out with despair to spare. Over by the side are machines ejaculating call sheets for the new line of communists and handmaidens.
So is the current condition of the state of affairs for those without employment in Australia. The amalgamation of the disparate agencies brought together a behemoth known as Centrelink. Tax collection works in many ways and in this form, it serves as the syringe to the needle of the many despondent. The service was crowded the need for new troughs grew. Employment Agencies on government contracts sprouted like magic mushrooms laced with faeces. The needs of the conditioned numerous few stayed suckling at the discharge provided for them and found no reason to venture beyond their pen.
Read the rest of Everything Mould is Food Again
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