Aperçus of Death and Biscuits

Easter road toll for 2005 bests last year

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, 30 March, 2005 - 19:42:28 - print it raw

Despite even the pretence of foul play in working the Easter holiday road toll numbers, 2005 proved to be a smashing success compared to 2004. "Absolutely stunning," say the pundits, car wreckers and number crunchers.

Scraping off the roads for another Easter holiday road trip, the numbers seem to suggest that patrons are wary of self-infliction. More hopeful of being taken out by forces outside their windscreen. Their prescience on a natural disaster wiping out another bit of Asia and taking the spotlight, uncanny.

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GIRA DOUX DEUX

Belvedere Jehosophat - Sunday, 20 March, 2005 - 12:59:17 - print it raw

His name was Francis Gary Powers. They found him hanging by his neck one day at exactly 11:35 am in his small, one-room apartment. The autopsy results show that he had died at exactly 11:35 the previous morning. He had hung alone for 24-hrs before his body had been discovered.

Powers’ room was bare except for a series of paintings that clung despondently to the walls and an unlabelled cassette tape. This, it would seem, was to be the only suicide note that Powers would leave behind.

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Hunter Stockton Thompson - Rest in Peace, you Crazy Diamond

Jimmy Weasel - Monday, 21 February, 2005 - 19:00:55 - print it raw

Thompson is dead. Escaping the tyranny of being alive, perhaps we should be grateful it was never whatever poisons he abused throughout his life that took him down - that would be too obvious. See that as a positive.

"This had better be some kind of sick hoax" one bystander was heard to mumble. "His words have a way of getting into your head and bouncing around like some messed up pinball after you engage a zero-gravity cheat," he surrendered to whoever would listen upon further questioning.

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GIRA DOUX

Belvedere Jehosophat - Monday, 14 February, 2005 - 02:03:12 - print it raw

Let me tell you something about the pilots who burn to death in their planes.

What happens during the catastrophe is really unimportant; just know that these people suffer terribly – an insular, claustrophobic sort of burning.

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Expulsions and prepulsion, the whole notion stirs commotion

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, 9 February, 2005 - 16:56:03 - print it raw

Conjecture and the playbook of Pope John Paul: Mark II stirs an undercurrent of unrest in the Catholic and conspiracy communities. Walking through a haze of prayer and ceremony, his Holiness is falling under the Ashlee Simpson/Madonna/Britney Spears speculation of performance. The gual of his white-robedness exacerbated by casting aside even the attempt of moving his cherry lips against the backing tape of prayer. The furore over his showing of deathly ill makes for those repetitive arguments on his dismissal ring through again.

As the religious are finding their might, locals of Australia are still looking toward themselves and their treatment of accents. Recent revelations sandwiched against a lack of understanding sees the Baxter Detention Resort Centre in South Australia regain bastard ground. The Immigration Department, after ten months of holding Austrailan resident and German accented Cornelia Rau, finally gave the woman a serving. Unfortunately for them, Rau was still alive and her identity was yet to wipe itself from all records.

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Coalition smelling the times, warms up for hump of the week

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, 2 February, 2005 - 18:43:08 - print it raw

Fearing a rejuvenation in the rank eyes of optimistic scepticism toward the Australian Labor Party, the Coalition have set themselves up for a little disharmony. Clanging around their party walls is the issue over abortion and the prospective rights and warrants to vacuum suck a near legal being into death.

Splitting legs like an eagle's wings, Senator Ron Boswell, of the hick spit Nationals, reignited the fire under the billy can when he nudged the Federal Health Minister, Tony Abbott. Talks then spilled and spread across the dinner table, the parents casting stern eyebrows at the kids playing much too messily in the public eye. Half of the Brady's were looking at the other half, one side talking, the other resigning their brains to the heap preferring to let others decide the fate of foetuses.

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