Crime & Punishment & Death to the Greasy

Jimmy Weasel - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 - 16:16:25 - print it raw

In news of our strange times, a young man (who will be named as information comes to hand) has been sentenced to a year of community service for "receiving stolen goods". His actions? Eating a slice of pizza his friends had stolen. Put on a pedestal by Channel 7 "News" as the posterboy for the Unfairly Exampled, people should look to this hungerslave as a role model for everything that should not be.

Had he ignored his intestinal cravings, he would not be party to the crime he didn't commit. Tubby foodbag-greasefreaks are the product of a society weakened by poor diet and commercial attitude to appetite. A better diet would have also saved him from this punishment most foul.

Who do we blame now? The parents? The Pizza Store? His friends? Fatties don't need peer pressure to eat a slice. It's time to swallow pride as though it were covered in cheese and crammed into his gaping maw.

Stay tuned for updates.

On that note...

» Idealistic Youth Questions the String

« Potato Spillover on Aisle Seven

The Human Stain

class=hst

Lick the red box and keep a fresh and up-to-date eyeball on our latest reviews, articles and filthy somesuch. Or kiss it.

Filthy scum

Wicked archives

2008
January » February » May » August »
2007
January » February » March » April » May » June » July » August » December »
2006
January » February » March » April » May » June » July » August » September » October » November » December »
2005
January » February » March » April » May » June » July » August » September » October » November » December »
2004
January » February » March » April » May » June » July » August » September » October » November » December »
2003
January » February » March » April » May » June » July » August » September » October » November » December »
2002
September » October » November » December »

class=etc

Reviews

class=grimm

Articles and all that more wordy stuff

Where in Kentucky - Mammoth Cave National Park: Monstrously, and seemingly neverending, sitting under the home ground of Colonel Sanders, the world's largest cave system. Yucatan comes nowhere close. Not even Cocklebiddy poses a threat. No comparison. Small holes looking up at a big fat long one. Sadly, with possible age and lack of food, no minotaurs to be found within the lime walls.
Homebrew Diary - Wheatbeer of misery: If what can turn a foul mood around becomes the harbinger of the foul mood, what happens next? Turn it into a learning experience. And when that learning curve makes a late break over the plate, you'd better start to swing away.
Homebrew Diary - Blackrock IPA + Hops: It doesn't take a big man to admit that he drinks. It takes a big man to get wasted and perform impromptu sermons naked from a balcony; raving upon the ravages of the insanity of stata bylaws and noisy offspring in adjoining arpartments...

class=grimm

id=vonnegut